Second String Life: The Journal of Burton Guster
by Collegekid2006
Summary: Gus' Journal.
1. Chapter 1

**March 1**

Top 5 Reasons I Hate Shawn:

5- Gwen Stapleton, fourth grade. Shawn told her I thought she had cooties, and she never spoke to me again. I didn't think she had cooties! I thought she was cute. And by the time we were in high school…damn. She was fine. But by then, I didn't have a chance. She still thought I thought she had cooties.

4- Mexico, the first time.

3- Mexico, the second time.

2- Harry Potter. He totally spoiled the ending! And he didn't even read it! He just Googled it so he could tell me what happened before I read it.

1- Making me write this stupid journal.

Okay, so number 1 probably requires some explanation. If it wasn't for Shawn, I wouldn't be a Private Investigator (a job I never wanted) and I wouldn't be on-staff at the SBDP (a place I never wanted to work), which means I wouldn't have to be documenting my emotional stability (something that should never be called into question).

So, there you have it. 5 reasons off the top pf my head to never speak to Shawn again. 5 reasons to start a new life…get a new best friend…no Psych, no journal, no cases…no one pointing guns at my head or trying to blow me up…

Yeah.

Maybe I'll really do it this time.

Of course, my name is on the lease at Psych. If I'm not there, God only knows what he'll do to the place. And I am not losing my security deposit.

Though, let's face it. We probably lost the security deposit when Shawn decided to take up prospecting.

**March 2**

Top 3 Reasons I Love Being a Pharmaceutical Rep:

3- Driving my route alone with my cell phone off. No one can reach me. No one can bother me. No one can pester me into committing a Class-C Misdemeanor. And no one can tell me to turn off the Billy Ocean CD.

2- My tamper-proof, completely indestructible sample case. It was designed by NASA, so it's cool even when it's filled with nothing but hemorrhoid cream. It's like I'm a step away from being an astronaut.

1- The girls. Seriously, most of the receptionists I see are single and very, very lonely. Not lonely enough to go on an actual date, as it turns out, but lonely enough to flirt shamelessly when I come in. 

It's awesome.

I don't care what my parents say.


	2. Chapter 2

**March 3 **

Shawn has roaches. 

Not that I should be surprised by that. His nightstand is a stack of old pizza boxes.  
I _was_ surprised, however, when he showed up at my apartment at 7 o'clock this morning with a duffle bag. Mostly because I didn't know he ever got up before noon.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"Dude, we're gonna be roomies!"

(You'll notice he didn't even bother to ask me. He told me. Just like always.)

"Roomies? Why?"

I stupidly stepped aside and let him come in.

When will I learn?

He dumped his bag in the middle of my floor and threw his jacket and helmet on my chair.

He had only been there for five seconds, and my place was already a wreck.

"They're tenting my apartment building. Some unscrupulous person has roaches."

"Gee, I wonder who that could be. Why don't you stay with Lassiter?"

"Gus, please."

He kicked off his shoes (leaving a trail of mud on my carpet) and sprawled out across my couch.

My white couch.

Which now is speckled with black mud.

Where the hell did he find mud at 7 o'clock in the morning?

"Lassie wouldn't even open the door. I knocked for twenty minutes. He turned the sprinklers on me."

"So, I wasn't even your first choice?"

"You were totally in the top five. My dad didn't even make the top seven. It's a very competitive list, Gus. The point is, you win!"

"Lucky me."

Looking back, there were so many points in that conversation where I could have said no.

NO!

GO AWAY!

GET OUT!

Any of those.

But, I didn't.

I told him he could stay.

But I didn't tell him he'd survive.

**March 4 **

Dishes in the sink, covered in what I can only hope is some ungodly mixture of Bisquick, molasses and chocolate sauce.

Mud all over my carpet.

Footprints on the wall (still don't get that one).

Dear God, what did I do to deserve this?


	3. Chapter 3

**March 5**

Top 5 Reasons I Love Living By Myself:

5- The shower always has hot water.

4- The apartment doesn't smell like Cheetos, pineapple and coconut shampoo

3- I don't get 3 AM phone calls from Wendy, Martina, Jessica, Kelly or Tanya (okay…so that wouldn't be so bad, if they were calling to talk to me…)

2- The milk doesn't get left out overnight, the cumin doesn't get put away next to the bleach, and my bathrobe and slippers don't mysteriously go missing.

1- It's so much easier to have a secret girlfriend.

I actually had to call off my date with Jayna last night. I couldn't bring her back to the apartment, and I couldn't tell Shawn I was going out without him asking where I was going, which of course would lead to a thousand questions about who I was going with, which would eventually lead to me telling him about Jayna, which would lead to him wanting to meet her…

I'm not an idiot. That's not going to happen. Ever. I learned my lesson after Sarah Hanson. Shawn will never know she exists.

In fact, I've been seeing Jayna for a month, and he still has no clue.

Some psychic detective.

**March 6**

I swear I'm just going to kill off that damn cat.

How hard can it be? She doesn't even exist! I'll just tell everyone she got hit by a car. Who's to say she didn't?

Of course, then I'd have to pretend I actually cared…

This time, Mrs. Pickles got stuck in a tree. The "fire department" called, and I had to leave work early to go get her. Then I had to call Pam, the secretary, and let her know everything was okay once we got the cat out of the tree.

I knew it was just another case Shawn was dragging me in on. I didn't know, however, just how personal this case was.

While they were tenting Shawn's building, it somehow…blew up.

Seriously.

Blew. Up.

How does that happen?

The police don't think it was an accident. Shawn doesn't think it was an accident. So, even though we're not getting paid for it because no one has officially hired us, we're investigating.

Normally, I would've just walked away. Gone back to my real job…had some sushi or something. But now Shawn has nowhere else to go, which means he has to stay longer with me.

Indefinitely longer.

I really, really want to catch the bastard who is responsible for that.


	4. Chapter 4

_Top 10 Reasons Gus is a Major Dork_

_10- He has a diary filled with lists and charts. Get a life, dude._

_9- He leaves his diary out where anyone can find it and read it (Come on, Gus! No lock on your sock drawer? That's just asking for trouble!)_

_8- Apparently, he does nothing but complain about his best friend (who, by the way, totally rocks and has awesome hair!)_

_7- He actually has a specified place to keep cumin. Seriously, whosever heard of a spice rack? I think you made that up._

_6- He has a secret girlfriend. Dude! When do I get to meet her? Jayna…sounds hot!_

_5- He doesn't want me to meet his secret girlfriend. What's up with that? What did I do Sarah Hanson? I was nice to Sarah Hanson! I even took her to the movies!...oh._

_4- He accused me of having roaches. The roaches totally weren't from my apartment! Roaches hate empty pizza boxes!_

_3- He can't tell the difference between chocolate, molasses and Bisquick and the remains of the GREATEST DESERT EVER! I call it "Sweet Shawn Surprise". If Gus was nicer to me, maybe I would have shared._

_2- He threatened to kill Mrs. Pickles. Dude, you can't kill an imaginary pet! PETA would so be after you! Not to mention cruelty to animals is one of the traits of a potential serial killer…also, not sharing the remote is another one._

_1- After he reads this, he's going to try to find another hiding place for his diary, even though he knows it's a futile effort. I always beat you at hide-and-seek, Gus. Remember? You're a terrible hider!_

_-_

_-  
_

SHAWN! Stay out of my stuff! And it's a JOURNAL!

AND, if you write in it again, I'm going to kill you!

_-_

_-  
_

_Gus, Gus, Gus. Threats of homicide? Bestfriendicide? Not doing much to prove your mental stability._

_And, please. The clothes hamper? Could you find a more obvious hiding place? Why not the kitchen table?_

-

-

SHAWN!

-

-

_What?_

_-_

_- _

STOP IT!

-

-

_Oh. Why didn't you say so?_

**-**

**March 10**

Top 5 Reasons to Take the Promotion:

5- It's in Hawaii. No one in Hawaii knows me. More to the point, no one in Hawaii knows my friends.

4- No more Psych and no more cases.

3- No more roommates.

2- It pays twice as much as I'm making now. I'd be able to retire in ten, maybe 15, years.

1- Did I mention it's in Hawaii? Far away? Far, far away?

Top 5 Reasons Not to Take the Promotion:

5-

4-

3- Jayna?

2-

1- 


	5. Chapter 5

**March 11**

Shawn! Have you been reading this again?! Don't deny it! I know you have! STAY OUT OF MY STUFF!

I know you know about Hawaii! Why else would you clean the whole apartment today? It's too late for that. I'm going!

You hear me?

I'm going!

…Shawn?...

**March 12**

Top 3 Questions About This Case:

3- Why would someone want to blow up a building when there's clearly no one inside?

2- What was the ignition source? (The arson investigation team hasn't turned anything up yet, though they did say the explosion originated in the basement)

1- Why do I still care?

**March 13**

No one seems to realize how exciting the life of a pharmaceutical representative really is.

Really.

It's great.

Why wouldn't I want to move to Hawaii to do it?

Why wouldn't I want to do it every single day for the rest of my life?

**March 14**

Top 4 Reasons to Blow Up a Building

4- You're trying to kill someone- doesn't seem particularly applicable in this case since no one was inside.

3- A general, psychotic love of random destruction- also seems unlikely in this case, but it is possible.

2- Insurance scam- it happens. I've seen it on TV.

1- You're trying to cover up for something else.

But what?

Another crime?

A murder?

Drugs?

And, once again, why do I even care?


	6. Chapter 6

_Don't be ridiculous, Gus. Of course I wasn't reading your diary again. _

_I would never do that._

_Please._

_Honestly, where does this paranoia come from?_

_Oh, and by the way…stop with the whole Hawaii thing. You're not fooling anyone. We both know you're not going._

_Also, if you want to keep up with the whole secret girlfriend thing, that's fine. But you probably shouldn't take the Echo on your dates. Do you have any idea how easy it is to tail? It's electric blue, and you signal all your turns, like, 10 minutes in advance._

_Just a thought._

_-_

_-_

_- _

I'm officially ignoring you, Shawn!

And I know that the "Santa Barbara Pineapple Safety Officer" who stopped by Jayna's office was you!

Yes, she told me!

Leave her alone!

_-_

_- _

_Dude! I had to meet the number 3 reason for you to stay in Santa Barbara. _

_Especially since I didn't even make the list._

_I'm not gonna lie…that one hurt._

_-_

_- _

I'm still ignoring you.

**-**

**-**

**March 16**

Damn it, Shawn!

You told my _parents _about Hawaii?!

Really?

My parents?

That's mature.

I wasn't going to tell them until I was on the plane. Now my dad can't wait to get rid of me and my mom won't stop crying.

Honestly, I don't know which is worse.

**March 17**

Top 3 Suspects (according to Shawn—see notes as to why he's wrong)

3- Joe Barnes- The building owner, who will probably collect quite a bit of insurance. (1)

2- Bill Macey- The former co-owner of the building, until he and Barnes had a falling out last year and he cut and run, not on amicable terms. (2)

1- Stephanie- The crazy girl from the second floor who Shawn claims is obsessed with him, but from what I can tell she doesn't even know he exists. (3)

(1)- Barnes would have to be an idiot to try this insurance scam. People never get away with it! Insurance companies don't just pay out without a thorough investigation.

(2)- Revenge would be a good motive, if there was one shred of evidence that Macey was anywhere in the vicinity. He moved out of town last year and hasn't been seen around since. Those details don't seem to bother Shawn, though.

(3)- Do I really need to explain this one? No one is more obsessed with Shawn than Shawn. Sure, Stephanie's crazy…but not arson or stalker crazy. More like Tom Cruise crazy.


	7. Chapter 7

**March 18**

Do you know what the odds are of two buildings blowing up under the same circumstances less than two weeks apart?

I do.

In a town the size of Santa Barbara, the odds are 1:257,000

And yet, it happened.

Another apartment building, being tented for roaches, blew up yesterday.

Four blocks away from Shawn's building.

What the hell is going on?

Whatever it is, it blows all of Shawn's theories about stalkers, insurance scams and former business partners out of the water.

Which means he was wrong.

Shawn was wrong.

Actually, that almost makes it all worthwhile.

**March 19**

I forgot how much Shawn hates being wrong.

He's been obsessing about the case all night.

Which means I've been hearing about it all night.

Which means tomorrow, he'll most likely try to talk me into doing something dangerous, stupid, humiliating and/or degrading to solve it.

I don't care what he says. I know it's coming. I just wish I knew what I was this time.

Of course, the worst part isn't the he tries to talk me into these things. The worst part is that, no matter how much I don't want to, I already know I'm going to let him talk me into it.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Just like always.

Heck, I should probably just call in sick now and save the time.

**March 20**

Well, it wasn't dangerous.

It wasn't exactly humiliating….

But it was stupid.

Too stupid to talk about.

Sufficed to say, it involved an apple peeler, a hammock and four pairs of speedos.

And it didn't get us anywhere on the case.

Please. Don't ask. I'm trying to suppress the memory.

**March 21**

I did it.

I took the promotion.

I bought my plane ticket and everything.

I'm going to Hawaii.

See, I told you I was going, Shawn!

On a completely unrelated subject, I broke up with Jayna.

Well, it was mutual.

It may or may not have been more mutual for her than me.

I guess I can forget about the case now. Which is fine. I don't need to know who's been blowing up buildings.

Really.

I'm not even a little bit curious.


	8. Chapter 8

**March 23**

I haven't told Shawn I'm leaving yet.

I don't have to.

He knows.

I know he knows.

Though, he hasn't tried to talk me out of it yet.

I figured he would.

But I'm glad he didn't.

Because he couldn't.

Not this time.

I'm really going.

**  
March 24**

I leave tomorrow.

For Hawaii.

I'm going.

I'm all packed, Shawn has claimed everything of mine that I can't take with me (which is pretty much everything), and I have an apartment all lined up.

Ha!

You didn't think I'd do it, Shawn!

Well, I am.

Really.

Don't try to talk me out of it now.

Not that you have…

**March 25**

I'm here.

Hawaii.

It's…great.

Really.

In fact:

Top 3 Best Things About Hawaii

3- The beach (Of course…there's a beach in Santa Barbara, too)

2- The girls (Of course…there are girls in Santa Barbara, too, too)

1- Shawn's here.

Yeah, yeah.

He's here.

He followed me.

Actually, he was in the seat next to me on the plane.

I didn't see that one coming. I don't know why I was surprised to see him. In general, my rule of thumb is to always expect him to show up when and where you don't want him to.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as he slid into the seat next to me.

"Are you kidding? Did you really think you were going away for the weekend without me? Come on, Gus!"

"Weekend?" I repeated, wondering just how dense he was. "Shawn. I'm moving!"

He just laughed.

_Laughed!_

"Dude, you're so not moving."

"I am too!"

"You are not! You're just taking the most melodramatic vacation ever. You'll be back at Psych on Monday."

"No, I won't!"

At this point, there were only two options.

1- Shawn is a moron (always a possibility)

2- He was screwing with me.

"Tuesday, then," he shrugged. "We'll make it a long weekend. Hey, we've earned it. We just closed a case."

"What case?"

"I don't have a title for it yet, but I'm thinking _Kablaam: The Exploding Building's Story_."

"You solved it?"

"Of course."

"…and?"

"I'm not telling."

Now, that was just fighting dirty.

And he knew it, too.

He was grinning.

"No, no. You're not a detective anymore, remember? You're not interested."

"Come on. Just tell me who did it."

"No."

"Fine."

I put on my headphones and just ignored him. I knew he couldn't hold out for long.

I was right.

"Okay, okay! Guess who owns the second building that blew up."

Now I was interested.

"Who? Bill Macey?" I guessed.

"No. Some organization called Greenbelt, Inc."

"Okay…"

"And guess who is on the board of Greenbelt, Inc."

"Who."

"Bill Macey!"

He didn't have to tell me the rest. I could figure it out from there.

Shawn was right all along.

It was an insurance scam.

It was Macey.

And it was Barnes.

Together.

A tit-for-tat, you-blow-up-my-building-I'll-blow-up-yours deal.

Morons.

Why did Shawn have to be right?

Anyway, at least he's wrong about me.

I'm not going back on Monday. Or Tuesday.

Although, I do have to get my security deposit back.

And I think I left the water on…


End file.
